After 9 years (and 2 daughters) of being together, my girlfriend just told me that we have nothing in common (except the children), our relationship is pointless and cannot be fixed and we should go separate ways.
my plans for the weekend: not to fall apart.
Jesus Christ.
I’m so sorry Adam. 🙁
I can’t even imagine after that long and two kids. I was a wreck after my first wife and that wasn’t even close…
Well wishes, for what they’re worth. In the unlikely event I can do anything from here, let me know. 🙁
Hold up, man, for the kids at least.
Very sorry to hear this, Brite. You’ll make it through, one day at a time. Things will get better gradually. Hang in there.
Wow, sorry man. Just like Sim said though. Just get through one day at a time for now. Trying to think too much ahead will drive you insane. I know you don’t believe it now but things will get better slowly. Just remember you have two daughters that will need to get through this also and they are going to need you to do it.
Things weren’t going well for quite a while now, I wish I could say exactly where may fault lies in this. I tried to be close, but she kept increasing the distance. Last few months it was as if she had some kind of a grudge against me. Whenever I tried to approach her and try to talk, she got all tense and I almost felt spikes coming out of her, a wall of spikes I couldn’t get through. I assumed (or wanted to assume), that this was a normal “What’s wrong?” – “Nothing!” man-woman thing you get in every relationship.
We rarely ever had any serious arguments, because I usually backed out – I’m not good at quarelling, i’m a peaceful person. Maybe that’s why the air got so toxic.
The revelation didn’t come in an outburst, we had a polite (and emotional) conversation and she doesn’t want to end everything now, but to think about an exit plan.
I am heartbroken.
I don’t know how we settle things with the children, this is my biggest fear. My parents, despite their BIG differences, stayed together. A mere thought of seeing parents part was always unreal for me. Kind of the-end-of-the-world unreal. I don’t want my children to experience this. I will still try to change her mind. But maybe it’s out of my reach, maybe she has someone (I didn’t ask, she didn’t say that), maybe it’s just me, unfit for anything.
I do not despair, I’m rather apathetic. With some moments of panic when I think of what’s ahead. I turn 39 this year, not a good time to turn everything tits up and start something new. Fuck.
In my case, when my ex acted like this, it was because she had become interested in someone else and really just wanted to move on. She did come back for a while, and the peace lasted a month or two, but ultimately she left.
I can’t imagine this going on at my age now (39 in two weeks), but at the time, it was terrible. I was horribly depressed for around a year and thought I would die.
I have to say, though, that only a year after that things began to improve tremendously and the life I have now with my second wife and kids is many times superior to that sour, apathetic relationship I had before.
It gets better, Brite. Sorry you’re dealing with this. 🙁
As for the kids, they’ll adapt. Don’t present it to them as world ending and they won’t see it that way.
Well, now I know. Yup, I was cheated on.
We still live together, haven’t decided yet how to proceed.
I checked her Facebook – I know, I’m a scoundrel for that, I thought myself I would never break a trust like that, I do have my basic morals – but we use her laptop for the kids to watch cartoons on youtube. I opened browser history to find a cartoon one of the girl liked and clicked on facebook entry and couldn’t resist the temptation this time (I had hundreds of opportunities before) and viewed 2 conversations.
Everything makes sense now, all those details I missed. I’m not angry, maybe I just haven’t fully realized yet that this soap opera i’m experiencing is my own life.
From the quick glance at the conversations I can see my main fault: I do not show my feelings too well, I’m not caring enough.
Last week was hectic, my younger daughter ended up in hospital with chickenpox complications and we took turns to live at the hospital the whole week.
Now all is good and I’m going on a week long holiday with the older daughter and my mother.
I need a holiday. I also got a Tonsillitis-like infection and take antibiotics now, spent almost whole week between work and the hospital with high temperature.
When I was at the doctor, she asked me: “You just had a similar illness last month, do you have any troubles or stress in your life that could lower your immunity?”
Well, fuck yeah.
Typical woman…… I was going to mention it earlier but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings anymore than they already were.
Ive never met a woman ever, who had the guts to leave a relationship unless they had something else lined up already. That is how women are. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is good or not. If they think they are “trading up” with another guy they will rationalize anything possible to do it. There was probably nothing at all wrong with your relationship in the first place.
Then they will turn it around and blame you for the reason they act like whores because they must justify their behavior to themselves somehow.
You are much better off without her.
Not all women, but it’s definitely a common theme. Sorry to hear Brite. 🙁
At least it’s come out.