For some reason, most of you don’t have the DIY Network. I won’t say you should be ashamed of yourselves, but this isn’t anything to be proud of either because you’re going to miss the renewal of the best flip series in the world, to wit, The Vanilla Ice Project.
I don’t know what this season has in store. Probably Wes Kane will be back as Rob’s right hand man. Unless the earth has turned incorrectly on its axis, Jeremy the College Kid should also be a regular. The identities of the rest of the crew are a mystery, but they may be pretty good. I don’t see how they can be as great as Pork Chop, Handsome Dan, George the Plumber, or other erstwhile cast members, but I could be surprised.
What I can count on is very high-end house flipping the likes of which no one has ever surpassed. The bling will be mighty, and I don’t doubt that Rob will bring his usual ingenuity to every crisis. Over the course of an unspecified number of weeks, prepare to watch a hopeless wreck of a mansion go from zero to hero. Kitchens will be destroyed and rebuilt with state-of-the-art accessories. Swimming pools full of unspeakable detritus will be transformed into sparkling water attractions. Tiki huts will almost certainly be fabricated on white sand beaches. Yard flora will rival the gardens of bygone sultans.
If you don’t watch any other do-it-yourself flip show this season, you owe it to yourself to be awed by the VIP Ninjas. Send word to your mother.
(I’m supposed to give credit for the photo, so here goes: By Dave Kleinschmidt from Williamstown, MA – Is this real? Cropped from original image., CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2558759)